Fun

Happy St. Patrick’s Day 2011!

Here are a few jokes, wit and prayers to start your day. Share your own below!

An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? “Who told you that?” asked Paddy.

…..

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.

The Texan says : “Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.”
The Kerry farmer says: “Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.”

……

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

….

Q: What is left out on the lawn all summer and is Irish? A: Paddy O’Furniture.

…….

The very first St. Patrick’s Day parade was not in Ireland. It was in Boston in 1737. (Editor’s note – when I was studied in Ireland for a summer, I asked my family in Wexford about St. Patrick’s Day…. They explained that there is not much hoopla in Ireland – it’s kind of an American thing…)

…..

The Blarney is a block of bluestone built into the battlements of Blarney Castle, Blarney, about five miles from Cork, Ireland. According to legend, kissing the stone endows the kisser with the gift of gab. The stone was set into a tower of the castle in 1446. Today, the castle is a popular tourist site in Ireland, attracting visitors from all over the world to kiss the stone and tour the castle and its gardens. The word blarney has come to mean clever or flattering talk.  (Another editor’s note: When I have traveled to Ireland, I hav never gone to the Blarney Castle as it is consider a bit of a tourist trap…Plus, my ancestors probably kissed it as gab is not an issue for us…)

……

And finally some blessings to send you on your way:

May the road rise up to meet you 

May the wind be always at your back

May the sun shine down upon your face.

And the rain fall soft upon your fields

Until we meet again

May God hold you in the hollow of his hand

AND FINALLY:

May you be in 

Heaven a half hour before the

Devil knows you’re dead!

 

~ Patrick E. Donohue (pretty sure it was O’Donoughue a few hundred years ago…, but at least there is no “a” in my name! )